Thursday 20 February 2014

Buying time



Things seem to have been quite hectic lately. And what with sleeping badly and having a cold (which, thankfully, seems to be clearing), I've been feeling a bit frayed around the edges.

Despite being ill herself, my mum phoned and insisted I took a few hours out. In fact, she posted me £10 'for a coffee, a cupcake and a magazine', to be enjoyed alone and somewhere I could indulge in some people-watching. 

Looking after a toddler can take it out of you. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes I dream about being back at work: sitting at an orderly desk, lunches spent exchanging gossip, a typed-up to-do list to be dealt with at my own pace. Even the commute suddenly takes on a rosy hue. (Note: I conveniently forget the petty politics, empire-building and endless meetings. And the hellish traffic).

Still, as a mother you do need a break. The reality is that you don't get a holiday allowance, time off sick when needed, or scheduled coffee and lunch breaks. And a break is what I've been needing.

So on Monday morning (my only Joe-free part of the week), I took time off from volunteering and spent a few leisurely hours in a big, busy cafe at a local garden centre. I had a pot of tea and a cream scone. I jotted in my notebook and watched people and just relaxed. The rain was falling on the glass roof. There were huge potted palms and ferns and I sat and felt anonymous and slightly detached from it all.

It was rejuvenating and I relished every second.

(By the way, I didn't buy a magazine; I didn't see anything which appealed so instead spent the change on a coffee and gingerbread man the next day when Joe and I met up with a friend in a children's bookshop).

I've also realised that time can be obtained for free. Each morning I get up and launch straight into a routine of dealing with Joe, rushing around, multi-tasking busyness. No easing myself into the day. It can be pretty brutal. So I tried getting up earlier. Of course, there's a trade-off: less time in bed. But the fact is that time can't be conjured up from nowhere. Each day has the same number of hours and minutes. It's simply a case of managing them to suit.

And I for one would rather go to bed earlier, get up earlier and begin the day in a more civilised, less hectic way: a cup of coffee, a bit of quiet contemplation, a quick chat with Jay before he goes to work.

It's not being self-indulgent. Because, cliched as it sounds, you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. And a few hours here and there are perfectly justifiable, whether they're spent out, enjoying a cream tea, or gazing into the garden and gathering your thoughts before the day begins.

But a cream tea is a truly wonderful thing. Thanks Mum :)

20 comments:

  1. What a lovely gesture from your mum. Looking after small children is, as you know, one of the most worthwhile and important jobs there is, but also exhausting! I'm glad you were able to enjoy some time out for yourself.

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    1. Me too! You sometimes think that admitting to being tired is somehow a sign of weakness - which is just silly. I'm pretty sure that once spring's on it's way everyone will feel revitalised...

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  2. Aww aren't mums the best! What a wonderful thing for her to have done, so thoughtful and just having that "knowing" about how hectic it can be with a little one and how as mums we sacrifice a whole lot and easily forget to look after ourselves. Sounds like you are doing the right thing for you Sarah and that's what parenting is all about finding what works for you x Glad to hear you are on the mend, thank goodness I am feeling much better too, my cough has died away and I am starting to feel human again xox

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    1. Glad you're feeling better! It was nice of my mum to send me the money (and strict instructions). I'd imagine you worry about your children for ever, not just until they've grown and flown the nest...
      One thing I always think when I have a cold is that, rubbish as it is, I'd much prefer it to having a stomach bug or food poisoning. Silver linings and all that;) xx

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  3. Oh those quiet minutes are so valuable aren't they. I was reading something else this week about someone who gets up at 5am so they can start the day gently. The quiet cup of tea appeals, but I fear I'm still not far enough away from those days of 4.30am starts to make me want to set the alarm that early!
    Glad you're feeling on the mend - and aren't mums wonderful?! x

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    1. They are indeed! One day our little ones will (hopefully) feel the same way...
      5am sounds a bit early for my liking too. 6.30 onwards (more like 7 ideally) is fine by me - and worth it just to begin the day feeling that bit more relaxed.
      I can't imagine our children becoming teenagers and us having to drag them out of bed... x

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  4. Hi Sarah - sorry to hear you are feeling under the weather hope you will feel better soon. I am with you about the cold, I hate being sick and much prefer the sniffles! Even though my two daughters have flown the nest I still have a category of money called 'Childcare' for when I buy them little treats. Like your mum I like to send them little unexpected gifts now and then.
    Your watercolour sketches on your last post are really lovely - you are obviously very talented - I did leave you a comment to say but maybe it ended up as spam!

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    1. Oh, it must have disappeared down the internet rabbit hole! Sorry about that - and thank you for commenting again. Mums are wonderful - always thinking of us even when they've got problems of their own to contend with.
      I love giving gifts - especially surprises - even more than receiving them. It's nice to make someone's day. Clearly you're similar to me in that respect.
      And I'm feeling much better now, thank you x

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  5. Clearly you did better than I did when mothers were handed out! What a beautiful gesture for her to make, I can see where you get it from now ;)

    We need more coffee, cake and crafting sometime.
    T

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    1. Just say when! I really enjoyed our last meet-up (and will look into that crochet class at the Craft Barn).

      My mum is indeed lovely and thank you for the compliment... If it's any consolation, my grandmother is privately referred to as Baba Yaga, the witch who lived under a mountain in a Polish folk tale ;)

      I'm glad you're up for cake too despite your healthy diet x

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  6. I couldn't agree more.... time to yourself is really important. I so hope your Mum gets better soon too!

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    1. Hi Estelle! Hope all's well with you. Sorry I've been a bit quiet of late but I know you understand.

      A bit of time out is vital for my sanity, I think... I truly savour it when I get the chance! I visited my mum in hospital today and she's desperate to come home, what with the constant noise and dreadful food. Hopefully she'll be back early next week - her garden's just coming to life which should cheer her up no end.

      S x

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  7. What a great thing to receive. It's a permission to have some time to yourself. Something we all need I think. Finding those extra moments in the day can be hard but as you point out it's not impossible. Also why have I never thought of a typed to do list? I scrawl mine on a reporter notebook and transcribe the things I haven't done to a fresh page everyday....it must be one of my working rituals!!

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    1. Hello! I suppose if you type it up it somehow looks more official and you feel even more efficient as you tick things off (or even more satisfying, put lines through them).
      I sometimes set myself time limits too. It makes me focus more and get things done more quickly if I know there's point where I get to stop and do something I enjoy.
      This was definitely a case of 'parents to the rescue' - my mum sent me some 'spending' money and Joe's other grandparents took him off my hands for a while. I was beyond grateful! S x

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  8. Glad to hear you are feeling better Sarah ... and aren't mums just the best ... mine always seems to instinctively know when I need a break or that things are near imploding ... caring for little ones at home full-time is so worth it but it certainly is hard work too ... my lovely friend who works and shares childcare with her husband always reminds me to have a break just for me too ... she says work is a holiday and that stay at home parents are the ones that need a holiday ... a refreshing outlook compared to some comments I've endured over the years ... anyway, keep buying some time for you ... Bee xx

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    1. Hi Bee! Mums are indeed the best. They set a great example to us, don't they?

      I had no idea how gruelling full time toddler care could be but yes, it is absolutely the best thing for us. And work seems so leisurely in comparison (it isn't, of course, but for me it was certainly less demanding). A bit of time for quiet contemplation shouldn't be viewed as a luxury, should it? It's necessary for our wellbeing and that in turn is vital for those we care for.

      Thanks for your lovely comment xx

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  9. This is a post close to my own heart! I love being home with my boys but there are days when I wish I had a job. But you're right about the petty office politics and those meetings - they used to drive me insane. Definitely don't miss those. I do miss getting paid at the end of the month though ;-) x

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    1. Oh, me too! I don't think I'd be as extravagant as I once was but it would be nice to treat myself more often than on birthdays and Christmas - although what constitutes a 'treat' these days would probably have been viewed as a 'necessity' back when I was bringing home a nice salary!

      I think it's perfectly normal to sometimes wish you were back at work. But being with little ones really is worth the effort and exhaustion. I've earned some great future Mother's Day gifts too, I'm sure!

      S x

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  10. Oh you are so right! I remember well how that felt, that never having a moment that is truly your own. My two are at school now so it's different but I sometimes get nostalgic for nap times, that imposed rest-time in the middle of the day. My two were excellent nappers, I'll give them that. Does Joe nap? I know there is always housework to do but I used to make a deal with myself that I'd spend one hour doing chores and another doing something for me; watching some tv that I'd recorded or reading or crafting. But sometimes you just have to get out of the house, and it sounds like your break did you the world of good. x

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    1. Hello! Joe most certainly does nap - and not a single day goes by where I'm not thankful for that!
      I too try to cram in the housework and chores while he sleeps but always make sure there's time for a cup of tea and a rest. That usually involves reading, browsing the internet or watching something trashy on the TV ;)
      And I agree - sometimes you just need to escape altogether. Just a couple of hours being 'off duty' is incredibly reviving x

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