Swan song

So here we are: almost mid July already. The rich, lush green of early summer has given way to golds and purples and pinks. Painterly flowers, too - I've currently got a vase of sunflowers in the window (and the petals above are from a collapsed bunch of peonies, still beautiful after they finally gave up the ghost).

We've been out and about an awful lot lately. Two or three walks each day on a weekend is pretty routine, particularly when it's dry. Joe wakes very early indeed so those days are long. 

But I've had time to think about other things, this blog in particular. It's not the first time I've questioned where I'm going with it. Not that I need to be going anywhere with it, but realistically something has to give. In between caring for Joe, looking after the house, family commitments, a very modest social life, my writing for Creative Countryside and trying to grow a small business - which entails a lot of work - it feels as though Mitenska is becoming increasingly sidelined.

That makes me feel bad. I'm struggling to get around to reading other blogs, too. Again: bad.

You see, in the four-and-a-half years I've been writing this blog, over the course of 436 posts, I've met some really wonderful people. Some I've had the joy of meeting in person, others I've got to know through their own blogs and through commenting. It really is a community on here.

People have helped me out in so many ways: practically, with technical issues. Emotionally too. Back in December 2012 Joe was just three months old. I've written my fair share of angst-ridden posts (and received lots of support from readers and fellow bloggers).

During this time I've moved house three times, had a few health worries, lost my grandmother and seen my brother struggle to cope after the death of his partner. Of course, the biggest - and toughest - event was my mum being diagnosed with cancer in 2014, and her passing away that September.

There have been bittersweet experiences and many milestones, such as Joe starting preschool and, last year, actual school. A few weeks ago I wandered around my parent's house (their home for over twenty years) for the last time before it was sold.

And I've shared so many good things here too. Holidays, family memories, adventures. Starting my own business after rediscovering my love of drawing and painting. Learning how to create prints. Documenting little details: where we've walked, what's growing, what we've been eating and reading and making.

So, what next?

A lot, as it happens. I'm going to be blogging over at Frond & Feather. I may keep my Mitenska Instagram account as a place I can still record our little goings-on around here. I'm busy working on my business: not just painting, drawing and printmaking but everything else that goes with it. Social media updates, planning, marketing.

We're putting the house up for sale at the end of August for a big move north of the border. It's a huge leap but we'll do it somehow.

And Mitenska is actually metamorphosising. It'll be taking an entirely new form, something I've wanted to do for a very long time. One lesson I've learned during these past four years: life's short and can take unexpected turns. So I'm now doing things rather than just dreaming about them.

Thank you for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it and have loved 'meeting' you all. 

I can still be found on Pinterest, Twitter, my other Instagram account, Facebook, Creative Countryside and, of course, at Frond & Feather.

Sarah x

A post-birthday post...

Yesterday was my birthday. And, as usual, I took myself off for the morning and visited Hebden Bridge. It was a bit of a pain getting there: sheep in the road (there are always sheep in the road), slow-moving tractors and so on. But get there I did.

I didn't take my camera though. And I should have. So many things to photograph, so many missed opportunities... beds full of purple alliums, trees heavy with blossom, rows of terraces with names like 'Thistle Bottom', 'Groudle Glen' and 'Woodland Dell'. 

So instead you have some pictures of our activities these past few weeks, and the May loveliness that's blooming away and perfuming our woodland walks.

Yes, so - Hebden Bridge. We visited a fortnight or so ago. Joe was being a nuisance so I decided to return alone on my birthday for a mooch around in peace, and perhaps to spend some birthday money. But when it came to it, I didn't really feel in the mood. I did, of course, buy Joe something (three books, to be exact). But after an hour and a bit of wandering around, admiring the lovely shops and topping up my vitamin D levels, I headed back home.

I did, however, meet up with two of my best friends in the village cafe for lunch. Turned out to be a bit of a panic as I suddenly decided to call in at Ramsbottom beforehand and look in the clothes shop there. And yes, I spent my birthday money. Just like that. On a Seasalt raincoat.

I already have one like this, purchased two (or was it three?) birthdays ago. But there's always room for more outdoor clothing in my wardrobe. And I tend to buy the one expensive thing which I wouldn't normally treat myself to at any other time of the year. I go for quality and know it'll last. This particular coat has a lifetime guarantee which is reassuring.

Birthday money gone (it never hangs around), I ate lunch with my lovely friends who had kindly clubbed together and treated me to a voucher for an aromatherapy massage - I can't wait for that - before going to collect Joe from school.

We ate chocolate and biscuits together in the kitchen and I decided that my birthday had been very nice indeed, if a bit hectic. I suspect a lie-in, a daytime bath and the chance to lounge around with a book all afternoon will happen on a future 18th of May.

I have been spoilt though. Another lunch last Saturday, lovely gifts, cards and well wishes. It's hard when I think of spending these special times with my mum so I like to imagine she's around somewhere, keeping an eye on proceedings and perhaps guiding me over that sheep-bothered moor road.

So I'm now 42. It looks older on paper (or screen) than I feel inside. I'm still the same person as I was twenty (twenty five?) years ago. Older, a little bit wiser, definitely more tired, but still as confused and silly. In a good way.

I did go out for a very brisk walk this morning though. In the spirit of taking care of myself and all that. I felt so virtuous that after lunch I finished my birthday chocolate off. Like I said, only a little bit wiser.

Easter

It's been a while.

It's been Easter. Two and a bit weeks off school and (for the most part) away from the digital world.

School actually finished very early for Easter. Most of the others in the locality are still off this week. But Joe went back on Tuesday (wearing shorts). The warm weather didn't last though. We're back to grey skies and chilly winds.

It was gloriously warm and sunny at the beginning of the holidays; Joe went to stay with his grandparents for a few nights so we took a walk, ate lunch outdoors and got on with some DIY. It had to be done.

Still, those two days of painting and repairs were quite relaxed. It always helps when the sun's shining and the windows are open and the washing's out on the line. Even sanding and undercoating doesn't seem too bad.

Joe came home having ridden on trains and zip wires. He was very excited.

Meanwhile, the Easter eggs continued to accumulate.

It was good fun, actually. Jay rattled the letterbox and Joe ran out to find a letter from the 'Easter Bunny' (me), telling him to go on a hunt for the eggs. So he did. It broke my heart a little bit, I'll be honest, to witness just how gullible he is. But the intentions were honourable.

We went to a birthday party a few days later with another egg hunt. So there's a lot of chocolate around at the moment.

The garden's starting to fill out now. Fruit is - well, fruiting. The Honesty plant I put in last year has shot up and is smothered in white flowers. The Dicentras are dripping with inverted pink hearts.

 The forget-me-nots, not so much. I thought they were supposed to spread everywhere...

Joe and I have been out hunting for bluebells, picking nettles and wild garlic, paddling in the river and playing in the park with friends. We've made things with clay, built with empty boxes and baked Garibaldi biscuits. We've drawn and coloured, visited the cafe and walked, cycled and taken little excursions in the car.

But we like the woods best.

I actually prefer being there when it's a bit damp and overcast. 

It's getting very green under the trees. I need to head out next week to collect plants for pressing, ready to make prints, and maybe I'll do some sketches too.

It's a lovely time of year. Next we'll have hawthorn blossom and cow parsley, so maybe we'll head back over to Cheshire to visit family and walk among the hedgerows.

The first cuckoo flowers (or Lady's Smock) are out. They always remind me of being little, and of picking them for my mum from the field across the road.

The blossoms are in full swing. 

But I think the herbs in the garden might need replacing. They've gone a bit woody and bedraggled-looking. Joe enjoys picking them to make 'spells' with. We stirred them up with some empty snail shells and pebbles, and made little brooms too with the prunings from our birch tree.

In the spirit of spring I'm trying to like the fact that, again, the sparrows have built a nest right outside our bedroom window. Let's face it though, they're noisy little buggers. Especially first thing in the morning.

Still, it's a good feeling to finally emerge from the dark winter days and see everything coming to life. I've even painted my toenails (silver). 

And now Joe's back at school I'm trying my best to catch up with work, blogging and all those things that get shelved when term ends. I'm glad that I've accepted 'doing it all' isn't the way to go. While he's little, my work is strictly term time only. That way I can just accept that our days are spent doing things together and I can relax and enjoy that. The to-do list can wait.

I hope you had a great Easter.

Ups and downs

So, we've reached March.

I always see it as a pivotal time of the year; I feel that spring's almost upon us as the long, dark days of winter are slowly retreating. The garden's gradually awakening and so are we.

Well, sort of.

I had an appointment with an endocrinologist on Tuesday. It was a Big Deal. I'll tell you why: I've waited for over four years to see someone on the NHS after literally two decades of feeling unwell. Having chased my tail by seeing lots of doctors, undergoing numerous blood tests, paying to see someone privately (I could only afford the one appointment), and desperately trying to figure out what was going on: websites, books, a herbal practitioner... Let's just say I went along well prepared.

The lovely consultant I saw told me I've got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). I cried. Not out of fear or despair or anything like that. It was a relief that after so long, I had an answer, and that it isn't normal to feel so exhausted and be plagued by many, many symptoms.

Apparently it takes 3-5 years to feel properly better. But you can feel better.

And, ever the optimist, I'm already working on that. It'll be a combination of diet, physiotherapy, CBT and - most challenging for me - pacing myself and working more balance into my life. I can do it. I will do it. For Joe as much as for myself.

And I'm grateful that I can function pretty well: getting up in the morning, getting Joe off to school, running the house, building this little business of mine. We've had some pretty severe knocks over the past few years (which have no doubt exacerbated the CFS) but the fact is, there are many people who can't do the things they'd like to.

Gratitude is important.

So, without wanting to dwell on that: March. Days of bright sunshine, sleet showers, blackening skies and everything in between, all thrown at us seemingly at once. The house is either sea bed gloomy or bathed in dazzling 'golden hour' light.

Our days seem to follow the same crazy mix of extremes: quiet moments when I can read or get work done sandwiched between the mad morning rush and Joe's return home again, when it's all about the endless questions (still), baking, planting seedlings, making bird feeders, reading school books, requests for dens and jigsaw tournaments.

Of course, this week is a celebration of books and reading. I went into school this morning to read with Joe (it was actually supposed to be for grandparents but he had to make do with me). It's lovely to be in the classroom. We got through three fairy tales and the little ones sang a song about the story they've been reading in class.

After lunch I'm planning a little walk around the village with my camera. Although it's just started lashing down again, so who knows? 

I'm so glad it's Friday tomorrow. Between car problems (too dull to go into, but it's been very annoying), seemingly endless school requests (themed costumes for tomorrow, sponsor forms, drawing competitions, toast money, homework etc), getting to the hospital and back in time for Joe and all the other stuff - well a few days off the treadmill will be most welcome. I'll have my work cut out trying to slow things down. But this time it's not really optional.

I need to find a new way of getting these things done which doesn't compromise my health and wellbeing. I can do it. Somehow.

Finally, my first article (and photo) for Creative Countryside is now in the online journal.

Wishing you a restful weekend once it arrives!

On eating my way to better health

The photos I've used in this post bear absolutely no relation to the subject. Because today I'm mostly writing about food. I tried to think of a snappy title but failed. Sorry. Hopefully the content will be more inspiring.

I'd love to share photos of my dresser, filled as it is with baking paraphernalia and jars of dry goods. Or beautifully-styled shots of my cookery book collection, artfully strewn with flour and bunches of herbs and so on. But with the light being what it is (dim) you'd have got a lot of grainy, blurry pictures. 

So instead it's the usual little visual journal of our recent wanderings. I hope the disparity between the words and images doesn't prove to be too off putting.

I'm always a bit unsure about these type of posts; I'd hate to come across as preachy or sanctimonious. It's just that once I start thinking about things, and these things start to form a bit of a thread, they can end up here on Mitenska. So, without (hopefully) coming across as a bit of a bore, here goes.

I've written before about food being medicine (and medicine being food, as Hippocrates wisely said). I truly believe this. So I'm trying to get healthier. It's not a 'New Year, New Me' type of thing - which, let's be honest, would probably fall by the wayside after a few weeks.

I'm not ditching any major food groups (I believe carbohydrates are completely necessary). And I'm not following any 'trends', despite what I read about or see on Pinterest and the like. Matcha this, chia that.

But the whole idea of healing is really important to me. I have an autoimmune condition: nothing scary, but it's there and it needs controlling. And rather than dealing with the symptoms using prescription drugs (as I have for the past almost 30 years) I've decided to try and address the actual cause, to treat the reason it's there in the first place.

Nutrition fascinates me. I love reading about it; surprising, considering my complete aversion to anything even vaguely scientific. And I've read about some really compelling, if grim-sounding, stuff like leaky gut syndrome, adrenal fatigue and food sensitivities. Much of it I can identify with. 

I know for a fact that I have a real problem with gluten. I struggle to avoid it because I love bread, cake, biscuits, dumplings... the list goes on. And on. But when I've given it up for reasonable amounts of time I've felt well again. My fingernails stop flaking. My stomach stops hurting. My 'brain fog' disappears. The aches and pains in my joints go away.

So I'm now absolutely determined to avoid it for good. And, ideally, to avoid the gluten free snacks and 'treats' you see on the supermarket shelves. Because they're full of sugar and all kinds of additives and ingredients I don't even recognise.

I now make my own bread and pancakes and sweet things using buckwheat flour, ground almonds, psyllium husks and whatever else works. I play around with recipes. Brown rice pasta tastes just like the usual stuff. As do gluten free porridge oats and oatcakes.

I've also cut right back on the dairy. No, my bones aren't about to crumble. I eat a lot of leafy greens and other good sources of calcium. And I made a truly beautiful discovery the other day: that hazelnut milk makes the most incredible-tasting cocoa.

I've ditched the booze (for now) and am going low-sugar. I avoid processed food, which isn't really a hardship as we cook from scratch anyway. Yes it pains me to hear what Joe eats for his school dinners sometimes, but he's four. I'm not going to impose any kind of regime on him. We don't have sweets in the house but chocolate is fine. He doesn't have crisps or fizzy drinks but we do bake biscuits together. He has toast with jam and the odd portion of trashy stuff if we're having something that's a bit out-there for him.

So, what do I eat?

Fresh fruit and vegetables. Juices and smoothies. Beans and pulses, brown rice, certain grains. Nuts. Eggs, avocados, fish, chicken, the odd bit of lamb or beef. Nut milks. Vegetable crisps. Hummus, nut butters, olives, artichokes in oil, coconut. Stuff I bake myself. Honey, herbal teas, (very) dark chocolate. Herbs and spices, soups and stews. Interesting recipes I find online and in books.

It's far from the old image of wholefoods, with everything looking and tasting like sawdust. Well, apart from those psyllium husks. I love a good health food shop, but most of our provisions come from the local weekly market and little supermarket. A very small proportion comes from M&S Food (we don't have a Waitrose in these Northern climes, and Booths is a bit of a way away). That's mainly organic meat - not that we eat a lot of it - and dairy, for Joe.

I'm determined to feel better than I have in a long time. So by ditching the food that bothers me, and by adding that which is nourishing, coupled with brisk walks and supplements, good sleep and the odd bit of precious downtime, maybe I'll get it right.

The mug of cocoa has become a daily thing, by the way. And you can never underestimate the healing power of a good novel...